The only way to rid yourself of temptation is to yield to it.

Hello again

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 21:46:53 GMT

So, I have been lurking in the background here off and on since my last post. I'm still around, just gotten very lazy about journaling online of late.

I am here though, and am happy to connect with people.

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And the Holiday season is upon us...

Fri, 13 Dec 2019 19:18:04 GMT

And Holiday depression has been on the rise, desperately waiting for the Winter Solstice. This first milestone means the days start getting longer. The second, for New Year's Day, means I can put another Holiday season behind me.

The usual stress dreams that permeate this time of year have been accompanied by full terror nightmares. Not all the time, but enough that I find myself delaying going to bed at night. Several nights this week have gone into early morning, instead of my usual habit of being in bed between 11:30 and midnight.

It's been several years since I haven't had a date for NYE and I am really not looking forward to it. There will be plenty of fun and good people to see... and a few that I can kiss. But that inner font of insecurity, keeps telling me that going "stag" to NYE paints a big L for Loser on me.

Yes, my head knows how incredibly irrational this is. But my head and my heart tend to see a lot of things differently. If my head had its way, my heart would be chained up in a vault that requires 3 keys, a combination lock and a fingerprint reader. And the fingerprint wouldn't be mine. The heart has, so far, been successful in avoiding that.

*sigh* I know it will get better. If I keep hanging in there, Jan will roll around. Then I won't be feeling the burden of widowhood so much. But if I get one more stupid line* in response to my grief, my iron control over my temper will be sorely tested.

*Got #37 from the Worst Things to say to a Griever this week... from a damned HR "counselor".

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You are not alone. (Public Post)

Fri, 18 Aug 2017 16:55:48 GMT

I know I am not the only affected. It's not unusual for the 2 weeks before and after the anniversary of Aries' death to be really hard for me. This year there were a few other factors that made it even harder.

But the state of the country has made it nigh impossible to bounce back. The hostility that is often too subtle to be able to report at work has been more constant. My anxiety over whether we will ever be able to come back from this brink keeps me up at night.

I am not an activist. I never have been. I contribute in various behind the scenes ways because that is what I can do. I rarely discuss my view on politics due to very deep personal issues.

But the events of the past week have been soul shattering. It is history repeating itself and as a historian, I know that it is bound to happen. Humans are not always very good at remembering and learning lessons of history.

That does not help the sleep stealing and near paralyzing anxiety. My productivity this week has been almost non-existent due to our nation's leader demonstrating racism, tolerance for white supremacist and ignorant expressions of whatever that was to Spain in its time of need.

That does not help the bone chilling black hole of depression. The feeling that I can no longer respect the Office of the President. Which is something I thought I would never say.

I am not an activist. But I do have something to say. You are not alone.

If you are upset about current events, you are not alone.

If you have lost faith in leadership, democracy or our country, you are not alone.

If you are staring at the black hole of depression, you are not alone.

If you are feeling immobilized by anxiety, you are not alone.

Try to reach out for help. Try to reach out to others who feel the same.   Try to be kind to yourself and those around you.   Try to do something that will help you feel better.   It does not have to be big. But it can be if you wish it to be.

We are not alone. We are a strong and powerful group.   We can make a difference both small and large.

( Links to Help&Support, Action and Donation )

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Yes, we need more of this.

Thu, 20 Apr 2017 13:53:14 GMT

Thank you jasra , this is a very good sentiment to be spreading.

"My door is always open. The house is usually half clean. Coffee/Tea could be on in minutes, and the chairs are a comfy place of peace and non-judgment. Anyone who needs to chat is welcome anytime. It's no good suffering in silence. There is always food in the fridge, coffee/tea in the cupboard, and a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. I will always be here & you are always welcome!! 

If you want to, could at least one friend please copy and re-post (not share)? I'm trying to demonstrate that someone is always listening! We need more love 💛"

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I'm here because LJ is down again

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 13:36:26 GMT

So I have finally used the code that was given to me a while ago to setup an account here.

I really don't know how much of a presence, what kind of crossposting and the like I will be doing.

More to come as details emerge...

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