taura_g: (wolf)
Due to several incidents over the last month -- personal experience, issues loved ones are going through and issues with loved ones-- I have been musing over doing a post about my experiences with Depression and Mental Health issues. But the more I have thought about it the more I realize that it would most likely take up far too much space for one post. So, this is the second in a series... not sure when the next part will appear but I am pretty sure it will be at least 3 parts.

So, I was 14 when circumstances demanded that my parents realize something was seriously wrong and I needed help. Two counselors later I was diagnosed with Dysthymia and it was suggested that medication might be necessary to help contain the problem.

Yeah, right. Both parents were of the “no f***ing way” attitude. But the new counselor was quite the diplomat… she delicately dropped the subject, did her best to work with me and we made quite a bit of progress together. However, when any kind of additional stress presented itself I could very easily end up back at square one. Whenever this happened she made sure that at least my Mom came in for a session with me, carefully pointing out the continuing patterns. Eventually, my Mom realized that this was becoming too much of a problem and talked my Dad into allowing me to try a short course of anti-depressants. It helped stabilize my mood a lot.

Dysthymia is a rather pervasive mood disorder. While its symptoms tend not to be as severe as clinical depression—a dysthymia patient is rarely non-functional—they can be devastating. All joy in life is lost, everything is colored gray and sometimes it is like being a zombie, just stumbling through life without drive or purpose. The medication cleared the fog in my head and allowed me to be more rational about the things that were bothering me. By the time I went away to college, I was off meds and feeling in control of my moods and depression. I had learned a lot of coping techniques and created a toolbox of behaviors to help me deal with life as it comes. Underneath the disorder, I found that I was actually a bit of an optimist.

The most important thing that I learned was when to say, “this is getting to be too much, I need help”. It is something I have had to be reminded of over the years, but that initial lesson paved the way for understanding that its ok to ask for help. And ask for help I did. In college and the years that followed there were several points where I backslid enough that I had to go back to counseling. A few times where medication was necessary again, but that’s another part of the story.

It continues to be a struggle to stay on top of keeping myself safe and in a good place. The events of the last few years along with Aries own struggle with bipolar has made it extremely difficult at times. But I continue to try to take care of myself, first, so that I can take care of others.

Depression and Dysthymia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysthymia

Date: 2005-12-07 09:30 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] lifecollage.livejournal.com
Dysthymia is a rather pervasive mood disorder....

This is one of the better descriptions I've seen. I also tend to relate to the idea of a "baseline" for emotional states, using appropriate hand gestures. Folks w/o depressive disorders have a baseline at about head height (hold forearm horizontal at head height) and their mood goes up and down (make other hand go in a sine wave from that baseline) from there. Folks with dysthymia have a baseline at about waist height, with the mood going up and down from there. The highs for a person with dysthymia are barely as high as other folks' baselines.

Reading your description, I really want to go back to my young self and tell her to insist on getting treated early. How much pain I could have saved myself later.... I'm glad you had the self-love to see it through. **hugs**

Date: 2005-12-07 10:41 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] taura-g.livejournal.com
I also tend to relate to the idea of a "baseline" for emotional states

That is also a really good way to explain it. One of the first things my Mom noticed as I hit puberty was that "happy" for me no longer came even close to a "normal" state for other people.

Date: 2005-12-07 09:42 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] sweetmmeblue.livejournal.com
Thank you for sharing.

Date: 2005-12-07 05:36 pm (UTC)From: [personal profile] drwex
drwex: (Default)
I continue to try to take care of myself, first, so that I can take care of others.

*makes the frowny face*

*hugs you*

Date: 2005-12-08 07:11 am (UTC)From: [identity profile] taura-g.livejournal.com
Ok, yes, this is a little too much of the caretaker attitude coming out. Something else that I struggle with alot. It's still a work in progress.

*snuggles into hug*

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